The sky is a little less blue...

There are a lot of broken hearts in Arkansas today, mine included. This morning one of the best-known teachers from Oak Grove High School and more recently, Maumelle Middle School, passed away. Jackie Burnett was my seventh grade health teacher, and from my first moment in her class, I adored her. Mrs. Burnett was a Godly, Godly woman. She was a Christian in a public school setting--without apology. She loved us. She gave the best hugs, and she always had one for me. Mrs. Burnett was--I hate even writing 'was', like she's in the past tense now. Her capacity to love and discipline and encourage, all at the same time, was amazing.

I had lunch with her over Christmas break. I'm so glad that I did. I also saw her while I was home in May; I went by the Middle School. She was out in the hallway, surrounded by students. I just gave her a quick hug and said, "I just wanted to say hi!" And she said, "I'm so glad you did." I'm so glad I did. I wish I had told her I love her. I am only one of thousands of students she taught over the years. But she somehow always made me feel special to her. She was so good at that. She always made it known that if one of her students needed her, they could call anytime. She would give out her phone number to anyone...I can even still remember it.

Mrs. Burnett was diagnosed with leukemia at the beginning of last week. I don't know many details yet, because it all happened so fast. I have cried all weekend. Somehow, 'she's in a better place' sounds very trite when the person who's in the 'better place' is someone you love very deeply. Don't get me wrong. I know that even in death, she wins. But that doesn't make it any easier. Not when the person you saw less than a month ago looking healthy and normal is now gone after only a week of sickness. I was--am still, in fact--asking God, 'why?' I trust that He has a purpose. I trust that He will be glorified in this. I trust that when she saw His face, He told her what a good job she did here, how loved she is and how much she will be missed by so many. She touched my life and will be in my heart forever.

I'm having a hard time with this. But I am just one former student. Please pray for her husband, Dan, and her son, daughter, and grandchildren. She was in her early fifties.

Mrs. Burnett--

You are my hero. I love you dearly, with all of my heart. I hope that when I get to Heaven, you are one of the first people I see, waiting to welcome me. I can't wait to see your face. Until then I'll miss you, and I'll live my life a little differently because of how bravely, faithfully, boldly, and purposefully you lived yours.

Some thank you's

So...I'm in the ATL doing a mock-set up for PowerPlant. This weekend we have about 70 students coming in from all over for our first project in Nashville. It's been an interesting past couple of weeks. I went home to Arkansas after leaving home in Pittsburgh, spent two weeks in Maumelle, then was off to train for P2 in Atlanta. I'm not a good transitioner. I never have been. I don't think it's something I'll ever be good at. But this is so much fun and I know it's going to be an awesome summer.

My family in Pittsburgh got to know me pretty well over the past 2 years. I say that because when I left, they all wrote me notes and letters. It all meant so much to me, to hear that I will be missed, and that I made a difference, and that I am loved. I never hear those things without thinking of the people who have influenced me in that same way. And so I wanted to use Xanga to thank some of the people who affected the way I did things in Pittsburgh and will continue to in the future.

Diane Spriggs--loves me unconditionally and has fought to remain a part of my life since the 4th grade, supports me unfailingly.

Steven Carroll--made me believe I could be more than what I was; led me to the Lord

Susan Myers--loved me, loved on me, held me accountable to my actions

Penny Morrow--boosted my self-esteem, loved me even when I acted like a jerk

Debbie Witherspoon--understood me, was always gentle with me

Lanette Vanness--loves on me, showed me that you don't necesarily have to be talking about God to show Him to somebody, makes me brave

Arliss Dickerson--taught me how to lead well

Amber Vaden--showed me how to be Godly by the way she lives her life, makes me feel important to her

Sarah (Evans) Rodgers--made an effort to hang out with me and make me feel cool as an uncertain freshman, loved on me

Margaret Stanzell--loved on me, challenged me, made me think about my actions, let me do laundry at her house, poured into me

Pam Rusher--brings me face-to-face with the Holy Spirit, encourages me, speaks truth into my life, remembers the little things

Colleen Mays--lived a Godly life in a public high school setting, took a special interest in me, made me want to work hard, challenged me in my faith and made me look at the bigger picture

Jamie, Vickie, Bill and Cole--accepted me and made me feel loved and wanted

Randi Lynne--loved me in a way that no one else can, despite living in very close quarters

Sue Dickerson--challenged me out of my comfort zone, inspired me to serve

Allyson Lewis--inspires me to always, always be real

Jennifer Hostetler--taught me that it's never too late to strike up a life-long friendship

the Belles--taught me the true meaning of sisterhood

Danielle--the best friend that anyone has ever been to me

It goes without saying that these people love me. They love me without condition. And in doing that, they have taught me about relationships and what it means to do life together, because that's how Jesus did it. So now, looking back over my time in Pittsburgh, when people there were telling me "thank you", I have to turn around and point to the ones who have been showing me Jesus, teaching me how to minister, all along. Because of their impact on my life, they inspire me to do what I do. The 'thank you's' to go them because they taught me to do what I do, and taught me well.

Today I left Pittsburgh in the same state that I arrived there two years ago...in tears.

When I look back, it's really been a phenomenal transformation that has taken place inside of me. Two years ago (almost), Jerome and Cristina picked me up at the Pittsburgh airport. I felt alone, scared, unsure and even a little resentful (not to mention my tears). Today I left a different person completely. I learned a lot since I've been there. The lessons have been many; some huge, some small. But the reason that I had such a hard time leaving, I think, is this: never before in my life have I been so readily accepted by people. The people on staff here and my church family met me when I was scared and uncertain about everything and everyone north of the Mason-Dixon. But they loved me through it. They got to know me. They never pressured me to be anything other than who I am. Just being Corley was enough for them. I found out what it means to be loved without question, without reservation. Wow. I hope that everyone can experience that at some point in their life. It is beyond amazing. And because of the acceptance that I found here, the freedom to be who I am, I am a different person. I like myself better. My family in Pittsburgh saw things in me--good things--that I don't necessarily see. But they encouraged me consistently and helped me to believe good things about myself. That's a big deal for me. See why I had such a hard time leaving?

I feel like I fulfilled my purpose here. Oh, I failed at times, to be sure. But whatever my purpose(s) was/were, I feel a peace that God accomplished through me in these 2 years what He set out to accomplish. Whether it was at Cal U or Pitt, on the metro staff or at Christian House, I believe that He used me. I believe it because of all the people who have affirmed it over the past couple of weeks with their words and letters. I feel affirmed in my ministry here, so much so that I sense a renewed call to campus ministry. And that is cool. I don't say any of that so say, 'hey, look how cool I am', but to hopefully show that God works through even the most difficult circumstances, through the most hardheaded of His followers.

These two years have been exactly what I'd hoped for straight out of college--a big adventure. An amazing, unforgettable adventure. One that I am deeply saddened to see come to an end. I have learned so much in these two years--because I didn't have a choice. But God was good; He placed people in my life to love and support me. So much so that leaving them is tearing me up inside. That's what this has really been all about--relationships. A lesson well taught and (hopefully) well learned.

I will never forget.

What I'll Miss

Anatomy of a Wedding Shower